Ghosting, benching, breadcrumbing, mooning… Kabeh neologisms iki nemtokake gaya komunikasi ing dating Camping lan flirting app saiki, lan kabeh padha njlèntrèhaké macem-macem formulir saka larangan. Ing sawetara kasus, taktik psikologis iki bisa ngrusak ajining dhiri. Xenia Dyakova-Tinoku nyoba ngerteni carane ngenali lan apa sing kudu ditindakake yen sampeyan dadi korban "wong hantu".
The phenomenon of ghosting itself (from the English ghost — a ghost) is not new. We all know the expressions «leave in English» and «send to ignore.» But earlier, in the “pre-virtual era”, it was more difficult to do this, the reputation of a fugitive among mutual friends and colleagues was at stake. You could meet with him and demand an explanation.
Ing papan online, ora ana kontrol sosial kasebut, lan luwih gampang kanggo ngilangi sambungan tanpa akibat sing katon.
Kepiye kedadeyane
Sampeyan ketemu ing Internet karo wong sing cetha kasengsem ing komunikasi. Dheweke nggawe pujian, sampeyan duwe akeh topik umum kanggo obrolan, mbok menawa sampeyan wis ketemu "ing urip nyata" luwih saka sapisan utawa malah wis jinis. Nanging ing sawijining dina dheweke mandheg komunikasi, ora mangsuli telpon, pesen lan surat. Ing wektu sing padha, sampeyan bisa nemokake dheweke maca lan meneng.
Wong metu saka radar amarga ora pengin ngalami rasa ora nyaman sacara emosional amarga putus karo sampeyan.
Sampeyan wiwit gupuh: apa sampeyan ora pantes wangsulan? Mung minggu kepungkur, sampeyan pindhah menyang film lan nuduhake kenangan kanak-kanak. Nanging saiki sampeyan katon ing daftar ireng. Kenging punapa? Kanggo apa? Apa sing sampeyan tindakake salah? Iku kabeh diwiwiti kanthi apik…
“People disappear from your radar for one reason: they don’t want to feel emotional discomfort explaining why your relationship is no longer relevant,” explains psychotherapist Janice Wilhauer. — You live in a big city. The probability of a chance meeting is minimal, and the “ghost man” is only too happy about this. Moreover, the more often he interrupts communication in this way, the easier it is for him to play «silent».
Taktik ghosting pasif-agresif ngganggu. Iku nggawe raos kahanan sing durung mesthi lan ambiguity. Kayane sampeyan ora dihormati, sampeyan ditolak, nanging sampeyan ora yakin babagan iki. Apa aku kudu kuwatir? Kepiye yen ana kedadeyan karo kanca sampeyan utawa dheweke sibuk lan bisa nelpon kapan wae?
Janice Wilhauer udur yen penolakan sosial ngaktifake pusat pain ing otak padha pain fisik. Mulane, ing wayahe akut, obat pereda nyeri sing prasaja adhedhasar parasetamol bisa mbantu. Nanging saliyane hubungan biologis antarane penolakan lan nyeri, dheweke ndeleng sawetara faktor liyane sing nambah rasa ora nyaman.
Kontak terus-terusan karo wong liya penting kanggo urip, mekanisme evolusi iki wis dikembangake sajrone ewu taun. Norma sosial mbantu kita adaptasi karo macem-macem kahanan. Nanging, ghosting nyuda kita pedoman: ora ana cara kanggo ngungkapake emosi kita marang sing nglanggar. Ing sawetara titik, bisa uga katon yen kita kelangan kontrol urip kita dhewe.
Kepiye cara ngrampungake
Kanggo miwiti, Jennis Wilhauer menehi saran supaya bisa dianggep manawa hosting virtual wis dadi cara komunikasi sing bisa ditampa kanthi sosial tanpa komunikasi. Kesadaran banget yen sampeyan ngadhepi ghosting mbantu ngilangi beban kuatir saka jiwa. "Penting kanggo ngerti yen kasunyatan sing ora digatekake ora ngandhani apa-apa babagan sampeyan lan kualitas sampeyan. Iki mung minangka tandha yen kanca sampeyan durung siyap lan ora bisa nggawe hubungan sing sehat lan diwasa, ”ujare Jennis Wilhauer.
The «Ghost» is afraid to face his own and your emotions, is deprived of empathy, or deliberately disappeared for a while in order to attract attention in the best traditions of pick-up. So is this coward and manipulator worth your tears?